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Here’s what Joan Rivers said she wanted at her funeral

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Posted at 9:31 AM, Sep 06, 2014
and last updated 2014-09-06 09:31:50-04

NEW YORK –  Joan Rivers could turn anything into a joke, and that includes her own funeral.

As unearthed by Mashable’s Brian Ries, the comedian concocted a very specific, and very funny, burial service wish list in her 2012 book, “I Hate Everyone … Starting With Me.”

Needless to say, Rivers was not planning a simple farewell.

“When I die … I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action,” Rivers says in the book.

“I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way,” she continues. “I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents.”

Mourners can skip the eulogy, because Rivers would rather have “Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing ‘Mr. Lonely.’ I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag.”

And, last but definitely not least, “I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé’s.”

We can only hope Rivers gets her wish. As of Friday, Rivers’ service was set for Sunday at Manhattan’s Temple Emanu-El.