(CNN) — David Letterman says he had no regrets about retiring from his late-night comedy show — until Donald Trump’s presidential campaign took off.
“I have made the biggest mistake of my life, ladies and gentlemen,” Letterman told an audience Saturday night in San Antonio.
In a surprise appearance at a show hosted by fellow comedians Steve Martin and Martin Short, Letterman reprised his famous ‘Top 10’ list to chide Trump, the real estate mogul who has shot near the front of the Republican field even as he’s made controversial remarks about undocumented immigrants from Mexico.
In his satirical list of Trump ‘facts,’ Letterman said, “That thing on his head was the gopher in ‘Caddyshack.'”
His quips also included that Trump wears 10 pounds of cologne and would evict a family, rather than pardon a turkey, on Thanksgiving.
And referencing Martin and Short’s comedy “¡Three Amigos!” Letterman offered: “Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he’s starring in a movie called ‘No Amigos.'”
10. That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack.
9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name.
8. Donald Trump looks like the guy in the lifeboat with the women and children.
7. He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head?
6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for a delusional, bull … Oh, no, wait, that’s me.
5. Donald Trump weighs 240lbs – 250 with cologne.
4. Trump would like all Americans to know that that thing on his head is free-range.
3. (tie) If president, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, he plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving.
3. (tie) That’s not a hairdo – it’s a wind advisory.
2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he’s starring in a new movie entitled No Amigos (a reference to the 1986 comedy Three Amigos, which starred Short and Martin).
1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass.