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Former Playboy model says ‘nightmare’ mansion life made her contemplate suicide

Posted at 10:56 AM, Mar 22, 2015
and last updated 2015-03-22 18:04:37-04

Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion was a gilded cage for former Hef companion Holly Madison.

In her new memoir, “Down the Rabbit Hole,” Madison — one of the stars of the Playboy-centered E! reality series “The Girls Next Door” — says that living in the mansion wasn’t all sex and good times.

“Life inside the notorious mansion wasn’t a dream at all — and quickly became her nightmare,” the promotional material states, according to Us Weekly. “After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.”

Madison also details stories of backstabbing Bunnies and very strict house rules.

Some of Madison’s revelations won’t be news to anyone who’s ever read about the recent life of Hefner, the Playboy founder, whose most recent marriage was to Crystal Harris in 2012.

Former spouse Kimberley Conrad described Hefner as “very controlling,” and he’s a man of routine. The 88-year-old has a passion for old movies and old friends, and he keeps more than 2,000 scrapbooks about his life. The mansion — except for Hefner’s bedroom — is kept immaculate.

And the sex? A “couple times a week,” Hefner told The New York Times in 2010.

Madison is now married to promoter Pasquale Rotella and has a young daughter. Her memoir is due out in June.

“I’m excited to finally share my story and what I’ve learned from my personal experiences both inside and outside of the Playboy Mansion,” she told Us. “I think my stories will surprise people, and I’m looking forward to lifting the veil of mystique and clearing up the misconceptions so often associated with my life.”