PHOENIX, Ariz. -- Sentiments of remorse came out of secret testimony released Thursday in the Jodi Arias sentencing retrial. Her attorneys wanted it sealed off from the public, but a court ruling overturned that.
KPHO reports that Arias wanted to testify behind closed doors because she said she was getting death threats and wouldn't be able to answer question in a manner "she truly means."
"I wish so badly that I could just take that away from them and that I could reverse what I did and that I could take away what all these people are feeling that I've hurt, including Travis," Arias told jurors on the first day of her testimony.
"What I did was so horrific I couldn't have -- I could never have imagined myself doing that to another human being," Arias said.
But it didn't take long for the defense to switch course and focus on Arias' upbringing.
"My mom began to carry a wooden spoon in her purse and wherever we were, whether it was home or out somewhere, if we were misbehaving, she would pull it out and whack us with it," Arias said.
She described her relationships with boyfriends, including one she said choked her.
"He squeezed really hard and then he let go and I fell to my knees, very lightheaded, I almost passed out, but I didn't," Arias said.
On the second day of her secret testimony, Arias told jurors she and Alexander met at a convention in Las Vegas, and shortly after, their relationship grew physical.
"I didn't want to disappoint him, I didn't want him to not like me," she told jurors.
Arias said Alexander introduced her to his Mormon faith. But she said she was uncomfortable with how fast they were moving, especially after an encounter in her car.
"He refused to kiss me afterward, he acted grossed out and then he just kind of got out of my car and left," Arias said.
Soon after that, Judge Sherry Stephens received an order from the Arizona Court of Appeals, putting a stop to the secret testimony. Arias opted not to address the jurors again.