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Why are you so boring, Short Pump and Mechanicsville?

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Posted at 8:57 PM, Jan 21, 2015
and last updated 2015-01-22 07:36:43-05
Photo via Tom Woodward/bionicteacher on Flickr. CC licensiing.

Photo via Tom Woodward/bionicteacher on Flickr. CC licensing.

HENRICO, Va. — A recent “listicle” posted by a real estate brokerage company, using a top-secret proprietary method of data analysis, has come to  some conclusions that may rankle a few local suburbanites.

From the website that brought you such hits as “14 Things You Need To Know About Dating Someone From Virginia” (cough: Lorena Bobbit), and “10 Virginia Stereotypes That Are Completely Accurate,” comes the latest: “These Are The 10 Most Boring Place in Virginia.”

This super scientific analysis found that Short Pump is tied for second place with South Riding, Va. and is not QUITE as boring as Danville, but WAY more boring than Mechanicsville, which is listed in the ninth spot.

About Short Pump they said:

No offense, but when a shopping mall is your community’s big claim to fame, well, that’s a pretty good indicator of its level of excitement.

No, we’re kidding. Short Pump has all sorts of things besides the Short Pump Town Center! You could go to a bar—though Short Pump does have some of the fewest per person… Or you could hit up some live music—again, good luck finding any. How about some fine arts or delicious dining, with the fifth and sixth fewest per capita in the state…?

Ah, well. At least it has a bowling alley.

And about Mechanicsville:

I know what you’re thinking: How could the birthplace of Jason Mraz, writer of such exciting hits as “The Remedy” and “I’m Yours,” be boring? Glad you asked.

It’s mostly because this place has so few young people—just 17.94 percent of residents are between the ages of 18 and 34—and even they’re more spread out than in most places in the state—just 1,284 people per square mile.

Top 10 Most Boring:

1. City of Danville
2. South Riding (tie)
2. Short Pump (tie)
4. City of Suffolk
5.  West Springfield
6. City of Chesapeake
7. Lake Ridge
8. Dale City
9. Mechanicsville
10. Burke

You can click over to their site to see how they came to their conclusions.