HOLMBERG: What would Virginia currency look like in a financial disaster?

Posted at 12:25 AM, Feb 08, 2013
and last updated 2013-02-08 14:03:20-05

RICHMOND, Va. (WTVR)--State Delegate Bob Marshall (R-Manassas) wants a study about how Virginia would mint its own money if there’s some kind of national or worldwide financial collapse.

Plenty of lawmakers support the idea, here and in other states.

So what would that look like?

We should put Virginia bad boy Chris Brown on the penny . .  they’re both pretty much worthless.

Virginia born  dog mauler Michael Vick goes on the nickel – although lots of folks don’t think he’s worth a plug nickel.

On our quarter, local hero Tim Kaine. He can help us sing for supper . . . or not, since he’s a little tone deaf.

It will likely be bizarre times, so we need to finally bring out a $3 bill, and who else could be on it but Ken Cuccinelli?

On the $10 dollar bill, we’ll need Ella Fitzgerald to bring some jazz to fight the blues.

And on the good ol’ $20, we need Arthur Ashe – this guy knew how to serve.

Famously two-faced Richmonder Doug Wilder would be on the $50 bill – front and back. (Apologies to Style Weekly.)

And the new face on the old Benjamin – perhaps the most honest and faithful of the famous Virginians – Secretariat!

Most everybody agrees on Thomas Jefferson. He goes on the $1,000 bill.

Staunton-born Woodrow Wilson, the 28th president was briefly  on the $100,000 bill in late 1934, but he shouldn’t go any higher than 50-large.

And replacing him on the $100,000 note: George Washington, of course.

We’ll need bills that big because a financial catastrophe would likely render paper money almost worthless.

All such  currency would be printed on marijuana hemp, since Virginia had the nation’s first pot law back in the 1600s. It required all farmers to grow it for ropes and sails.

This way, if the currency does become worthless, you can smoke it.

Verily, currency would likely be worthless in a true financial disaster. Pigs, chickens and fuel would be the new coin of the realm, and farmers would be kings.

That’s my take. What do you think Virginia money would look like?