HOLMBERG: We’ll go off the fiscal cliff, and magically float!

Posted at 11:53 PM, Dec 27, 2012
and last updated 2012-12-28 17:25:58-05

RICHMOND, Va. (WTVR) -- My first prediction for 2013: We won’t really drive off the fiscal cliff at midnight Monday.

Oh, we’ll go over the edge, all right. But we’ll magically float, like Wile E. Coyote does for a minute.

The deadline tax increases and spending cuts will be postponed until all of the new legislators unpack their bags. No sense letting lame ducks muddy the water.

Then we’ll have weeks of each side blaming the other. You know, the usual.

We’ll reach our debt ceiling in the next few days and that, too, will be dealt with by vigorous postponement - just like last time.

And then our wondrous leaders will agree to raise the debt ceiling. I mean, it’s not like any of us have a debt ceiling, right?

And after much huffing and puffing, they will reach deep down for a compromise – deep down into our pockets, that is.

We will be told we have no choice, which is true.

Unlike them, we have to pay our bills, especially our taxes.

And here’s the compromise:

They will agree to only a small but seemingly sizable portion of the spending cuts, arguing that truly slashing government spending could further rattle our shaky economy.

And then they’ll raise our taxes, but only half as much as called for by the partisan brinksmanship and cowardly fiscal procrastination that built the so-called fiscal cliff.

Which means, poor people will continue to pay no income taxes and will still get their benefits.

The lower 20 percent of earners – the lower class - will pay an extra $200 in federal income tax next year.

The middle 60 perecent will pay an extra $1,000 in taxes.

The upper 20 percent will pay an extra $7,000.

And those evil 1 percenters? They’ll each pay an extra $60,000.

Each side will declare victory, but President Obama will get the credit for keeping us magically afloat.

And then – the best part – we’ll get to do it all over again at the end of next year.

But look, please don’t try this kind of fiscal management at home. You’ll be sleeping outside on a bench, or in prison.

That’s my prediction. Scroll down and leave yours in the comments section below.